Custody: Getting Creative

Custody cases can be very difficult for people to handle.  They are emotional, high stakes cases and typically, the parties just want what's best for their children.  The problem is, with the emotions running high between the parties, it can become difficult to articulate what those best interests are. 

Personally, I like to get creative when it comes to custody cases.  Most people know the standard custody arrangement: one person gets primary custody of the child, the other person gets weekend visitation every other weekend and possibly a weeknight dinner.  Just because that is a common arrangement doesn't mean it's what's best for you, your child and your co-parent. 

Maybe your and your co-parent are capable of being in the same room together.  Maybe we can find a schedule that allows your child to spend ample amount of time with both of his/her parents.  Maybe every other weekend isn't feasible as visitation for you or your co-parent, how can we fix that?  Let's not use the default custody and visitation schedule and let's work together to find a real resolution that can last.  

Having an attorney on your side in a custody case can help you explore creative solutions.  Because we are not as emotionally involved, we can help you think outside the box to figure out the best resolution for your case. 

If you are involved in a divorce or custody dispute and would like a consultation, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.

Can you answer these questions?

Can you answer these questions?  If not, it may be time to talk to an attorney.

If I died yesterday, who would get my property? Who would take care of my children?
If I became incapacitated (can no longer make my own decisions), who would pay my bills?  Who would take care of my physically?
Does my family know if I want extreme life saving measures taken if I am in a hospital?
How much of my ex-spouse's retirement do I get?
Where will my children spend their summer break this year, with me or my ex-spouse?
Who pays for my children's healthcare, me or my ex-spouse?  Who gets the tax credit for my child?

If you can't answer some of these questions, it may be time to meet with an attorney.  The right attorney can help you figure out what you want the answers to these questions to be and how to accomplish those goals.  Whether it is through a custody agreement, a will, a power of attorney or other process, an attorney can make sure you are competent on your wishes and that your family knows those wishes. 

These questions are important and you should know the answers to each and every one of them.  If you would like to speak with us regarding any of the above questions or any questions you have in general, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.

Other Resources You Should Consider Using During a Divorce

Typically, when people hear the word "divorce" they think of the complicated legal process of ending a marriage.  There is, however, much more to a divorce than the legal process and you should look at the process as a whole.  To do that, you may need to consider using some resources other than just an attorney.  Here's an idea of some of those resources:

Therapists.  It may be a good idea for you and your family to attend therapy sessions.  This is especially true for children who are probably struggling with the concept of your divorce.  You could consider individual therapy sessions or family therapy sessions depending on your situation.  Going to a therapist could help you through the whole process.  For example, being able to express your feelings and work through them with a professional may help you think clearer when it comes to the legal process and determining custody or dividing property. 

Financial Planners.  Whether you were in charge of the bills in your marriage or not, a financial planner is someone you should consider meeting with during a divorce.  Everything in your life is changing, and that likely includes your financial circumstances.  Financial planners can help you plan not only for your new financial situation but for your future. 

Community services.  Many counties/cities have a community services board that can provide you with resources.  The biggest one that comes to mind is a co-parenting class.  A co-parenting class is a great way to work through your new relationship with your ex-spouse and your children.  For more information on co-parenting, read here. 

Real Estate Agents, Title Companies, Mortgage Lenders.  Likely, through your divorce you are either moving to a new home or refinancing your current home.  You should consider meeting with multiple professionals in that field to determine the best course of action for you.

Ideally, your attorney will be able to help you find these resources and will collaborate with these professionals, with your permission, to come up with the best plan possible for your future as you go through your divorce and reassemble your life after your divorce.

If you are going through a divorce and would like a consultation, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.

Custody and "Co-parenting"

Now is as good a time as any to work on your co-parenting skills with the other parent of your children.  So what is co-parenting and how can you work on it?

Co-parenting is successfully working with the other parent of your children to raise them in a healthy environment.  It is raising your children as a team even though you are no longer romantically involved.  It is putting your children's needs first even when there are a lot of emotions swimming around in your head. 

So how can you work on co-parenting?  First of all, try to set aside all of the emotions between you and the other parent.  While it is important that you are able to communicate and are cordial with each other, co-parenting is really about focusing on the children's relationships with each parent rather than your own.  Picture how you want the other parent to encourage a relationship between you and your children and do the same.  If you are strong at communicating, talk with the other parent about how you can both encourage healthy relationships between the children and the other parent.  

Come up with a plan.  How can you be a good co-parent?  The answer to that question is different for every client I have so you need to figure out what works for you.  Put it in writing and keep it somewhere that you can look at it for a reminder when things are tough.  Again, if you can, communicate with the other parent and come up with a plan together. 

Take a co-parenting class.  A co-parenting class is a class that teaches you the basics you need to become a successful co-parent.  Even if you've taken one before, it might be time for a refresher.  If you are not sure how to find a class near you, call your local courthouse.  Many times the courts will have a list of co-parenting classes available and can point you in the right direction. 

Co-parenting takes work and it is easy to procrastinate becoming a better one but it is important for your children. 

If you are going through a divorce or custody dispute and would like a consultation, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.

Custody dispute: What court do I go to?

When you and the other parent of your child are having a dispute over custody, visitation, child support, etc. the first step is to know what court you should be going to.  The answer is: it depends.

Are you and the other parent married and going through a divorce?  If so, then you have a choice of filing in either the Circuit Court or the Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court.  If you choose the Circuit Court, the custody dispute will be handled in connection with your divorce.  If you choose the Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court, the custody dispute will be handled independently from your divorce. 

Are you and the other parent not married?  If so, you should file in the Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court.

The Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court is a district court and is a lower court than the Circuit Court.  The J&DR courts handle only juvenile matters and family matters.  Depending on which specific court you are in, the process may be somewhat more relaxed and you may have your case heard sooner than if you were in Circuit Court.  Also, because the J&DR court is a lower court than the Circuit Court, either party can appeal the ruling of the J&DR court to the Circuit Court.  This means, if you are unhappy with the result, you can go to the next highest court and have a completely new trial with a new judge. 

Now that you've figured out which court you should be in, how do you know actually WHERE to go.  Typically you need to be in the court for the county or city where the child resides.  Once that is determined, you can go to the Supreme Court of Virginia website and find the physical address for that court.

While these are the basics for determining which court you should file in, you should seek advice from an attorney to determine which court is best for your specific circumstances.  If you are involved in a custody or visitation dispute and would like a consultation, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.   

Why you should consult an attorney BEFORE you file for custody

Many clients call me and want to retain me for their upcoming court date to determine custody, visitation, child support, etc.  Very few clients, however, think to make that call BEFORE they file their petition or motion to amend custody.  Here's why you should talk with an attorney first.

1.  It's pretty basic but if you are intent on hiring a particular attorney, you will want to make sure that attorney is available for your court date.  While courts will sometimes allow for a continuance so that your attorney can appear in court, that is not always the case.  If you want a specific attorney, you need them to be involved at the beginning to make sure the court date is a date that are available.

2.  You need to file the right documents.  In the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court it may appear simple to fill out a motion to amend and you may think you don't need your attorney to help with that.  While most of the time the filing needs to be done by you, the client, you need to know what to put in that motion to amend.  Simply asking for a change in physical custody may not be enough.  You may need to move to amend legal custody as well.  You may or may not want to move to amend child support and visitation at the same time.  Consult with you attorney on what to file prior to actually filing the papers.  It will make the process simpler and clearer for you down the road.

3.  We need time to prepare.  Most of an attorney's work goes on "behind the scenes".  There are deadlines we have to file, such as sending out witness subpeonas (to ensure your witnesses attend court) by a certain deadline.  Perhaps there are discovery deadlines that may pass before you hire an attorney.  The more time you allow an attorney in advance to prepare for your case, the better case you will be able to present.  To hit this point home, at a certain point in each case, many attorneys will decline to represent you simply because they do not have adequate time to prepare a competent case for you.  You certainly do not want to be in a position to not have an attorney because you waited too late.

Depending on your arrangements, it may be slightly more expensive to hire an attorney at the very beginning, or it may be the same cost.  The result of your case, however, can vary significantly depending on what stage you bring an attorney in to represent you.  If you are thinking about filing or have filed a petition or motion to amend custody/visitation/child support and would like a consultation, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.

Does your custody arrangement include summer vacations?

Does your custody arrangement, whether by agreement or court order, include provisions for summer vacation?  Now is the time to find out.  Many times summer vacations are left out of the official custody arrangements, usually because people just weren't thinking about that when they were trying to figure out who their child would live with on a regular basis. 

If your custody arrangement does include provisions for summer vacation, great!  Follow the terms of your agreement or court order. 

If your custody arrangement does not include provisions for summer vacation, now is the time to figure out how that will play out.  Depending on where you live, you may have time to have the court decide a vacation schedule.  If not, you should have a serious conversation with the other parent of your child(ren).  If you do not have the ability to have the court decide a vacation schedule, you are going to have to work with your co-parent to determine a schedule that is best for your children.

While you are working with your co-parent, remember that this is all about your children.  You may not want to spend two weeks away from your child but would it be good for your child to go visit their extended family with their other parent?  It may be a burden to adjust your planned vacation, but would adjusting your planned vacation benefit your children?  Try to put aside the emotions that may come up in talking with your child's other parent and focus on your children and their needs.  If you are unsure that you can make this agreement with your co-parent, consider using a mediator, who is a neutral third party who can help you come to an agreement. 

If you are involved in a custody or visitation case and would like more information or a consultation, please contact us at (804) 447-0146 or clbaudean@baudeanlaw.com.